Subways

My first ride on the subway alone many moons ago was one that left me lost. Twice. Rumbling along underground now it's hard to see where I went wrong that day. Seoul's subway is laid out in eight different lines and unlike Tokyo, if you can't read the language, English signs are everywhere. While getting to my destination has become easier I'm still working on remembering the most important rule to proper Korean subway etiquette:No talking.

Ninety percent of travelers are either trying to sleep (Koreans can sleep anywhere) or are engaged to the electronic device of their choice (cellphone, MP3, video game, portable TV or the truly perverse all in one).

If you are caught talking, chances are you are trying to sell something. Most of the stuff targets the ample supply of old people who, as it turns out, will buy anything on sale. The range of products is unlimited. As long as it fits in a box and costs at most ten bucks then it can be hawked.

A second group of reliable noisemakers are the religious ones praising GOD. They confidently board the cars and start marching from one end to the next spilling out recycled words. The truly good ones are the ones who throw in English when they pass by, "Hallelujah, God Loves You."

Another group of chatterboxes ride the subway late at night and have just finished up the compulsory drinking session for work. The red faces and smell of soju hanging out around their mouths are their giveaway. But you want these people to talk, it's when they are silent you need to be worried. This means their livers have had enough and are busily sending out signals to the stomach to send what's left on a wild ride. You don't want to be caught next to this person.

The final group who constantly break the silence of the subway are us foreigners and our voices seem to ride above any other noise. Honestly it's not our fault.