The Chopstick Diet

If you are a foreigner in Korea you can expect random compliments coming your way. Learn a spattering of Korean and you are fawned over by the ajumas you understand and use it on. Have a clean appearance, wear respectful clothes and suddenly you become the double of any Hollywood star. If you can handle spicy food without making a funny face and suddenly you are at least a third Korean. But the (most condescending)compliment that comes my way is attached to my being able to eat using chopsticks.

When I first came here I admittedly could not make a meal enjoyable by using the things. Korean chopsticks are proudly thin metal ones that take some getting used to. They don't handle food as easily as the square shaped wooden or plastic Chinese ones but because they came out during the metal age they have stuck around. I was taught how to use them my first week here and when it was a choice between starving to death and eating I was a fast learner.

At our school Mr. Oh starts each lunch with his class inspecting his kids finger placements. I pointed out his premeal patrol to Betty and she turned the redess shade a Korean is able to without drinking alcohol. She then admitted she never learnt how to eat with chopsticks and slunk back to plucking food from her plate in her unique backhanded scissor way. By the size of her I think it's best I learn from her. I could then package this way of eating into a new diet fad and become the richest man alive. Muhahaha!