The Question

I'm busy packing up and running around this week. Here's an important question I found in one of my notebooks, "Why is milk white?"

The Answer

This is one powerful group.

Hospital, Police Station and a Restaurant

My running around on barely four hours of sleep started right after work when I hopped a cab to Itaewon. My first stop was the International clinic for my check up. The sixty year old doctor tried to appear hip and approachable with a "What's up?" greeting and a name tag printed in soft blue tones. He was alright but I was literally in and out of his office in under two minutes. From then on it was his minions who prodded, poked and photocopied me. The peeing in the cup was difficult seeing as I had gone before I got into the taxi but given time I was able to reach the desired line. I'm interested to see these result though because I placed the cup in what I thought was the correct slot but which turned out to be the hand disinfecting machine.

After this I thought I would see if the police station down the street was able to do some fingerprints. I need to get a criminal background check to work in the public school and the RCMP will only release it if I submit my paw prints. The officers understood what I wanted but didn't have the correct ink to do it so they improvised with some hard ink pad. The only non English speaking officer in the place tried for several minutes to rub just enough ink on my finger but then I always ended up smudging the print. He then tried to help by twisting my uncooperative fingers directly onto the paper. But it was no good. I guess fingerprinting isn't a high priority here. I will have to ask Heidi where she got hers done.

With a grumbling stomach I was finally able to end my eight hour fast and went directly to the Pita Pit. The sign claims they're healthy but the amount of toppings included in the pita swell it up bigger than a human head; this much food in one sitting can't be good. What's worse is that I ate mine in only five bites.

Countdown

Finally. This is my first chance to sit down and relax since my break at work yesterday. Once the bell went at 7:10, I obediently clocked out and headed west by subway 25 minutes to Cheolsan Station. This is where my new apartment is going to be. It's a decent little area with a lot of shops, restaurants and hofs. It reminded me of Bundang where all the shops are concentrated in one area and no cars may enter.

Here I was met by my new "supervisor" Jewel, her husband and her very bored five year old son. I set up the meeting so I could get the address and door code to my new apartment. Walking to the apartment I was impressed with the building it's in. There's a convenient store, dry cleaner, bar and much more just seven floors below me. The hallways are dark and stale but inside the apartment it was clean with a lot of light. There is a lot more closet space and the view is a lot better than the window next door I currently stare into. The one thing I'm not sure about is whether it's as big or nice as the one I'm in now. I love having the open wall that divides my room right now. There's definitely potential for a nice home here so i'll post pictures once it's set up. I will go on Saturday and move things around to make it more cozy. Right now it looks boring.

This Sunday is when Saejin and I will do the heavy lifting so I hurried back home to box up my stuff. Sitting behind me are five boxes, four smaller bags of clothes, three pillows, two Costco Bags full with kitchen and cleaning stuff and a lot of shoes. I figure I need three more boxes to get the rest of the stuff (plants, lamps and bedding) packed up. Doing all this work at night and continually thinking about ways to move things around in the new place made it hard to fall asleep. I was exhausted all day and still had lots of running around to do today. I'll write about it later.

Sunday's Tremolo # 5

The Common Loon has a call named the tremolo. This "insane laughter", voiced rapidly is an alarm that shows agitation or fear of predators or other loons in the neighbourhood. On Sundays, I have chosen to be opinionated and to share news, policies and or laws that agitate and scare me.

This is a bit of a continuation of the tremelo from last week. I thought of calling it Lies Part Deux but the Power of Propaganda is more fitting. In twenty to thirty years time there will be University courses that will explore how the United States and George W. Bush were able to successfully fool it's citizens into supporting a war. No small feat but one that the American administration has pulled off.

I understand any dig at George W. Bush is an easy one. So I won't instead let's look at how he's made it as president. He's made the right connections, appeased the right people and he's got a thick family wallet. These are conditons to rule the world. Who cares how smart this man is, the truth is he simply doesn't need to be smart or work so hard. His machine does and it's message is all that matters. This is how they've done it.

Good ole George W got his war in Iraq by rambling on about Weapons of Mass Destruction. He helped popularize an acronym. Acronyms work, they're short and make you sound like you know what you're talking about even if you can't even identify what each letter means. By preaching about WMDs for months and how the UN and it's mission failed to find WMDs (that never existed) he helped cement the image of the UN as a useless commodity. This is a great start.

George then got busy by convincing enough people, congressmen, senators and the media that this fight with Saddam was the right one. He did it through forged documents, a lazy media and with the help of an indifferent population more concerned with sports and celebrities. He also stood in front of message boards and talked in sound bites. When asked questions about his decisions he repeated his sound bites in exactly the way his trainers told him to do.

When confronted with the WMDs that still don't exist, he succeeded at changing the message. Another great move. This time he took the public on a new path of reasoning of liberation and the spread democracy, much sexier than WMDS and people accepted it. He's brilliant.

Future world leaders take note, propaganda these days isn't so tough. People are preoccupied being happy and rich, they simply don't care. I hope this isn't a trend that sticks around for much longer because it doesn't bode well for the rest of us who do care.

Turn your head and cough

This afternoon I booked an appointment at the International Clinic in Itaewon for an "Employment Physical Check". This is just one step in the marathon of paper work I need to submit to work at the public school this September. I hope I pass the test.

They're going to check my height (just on the lower side of the bell curve but I claim to be at the apex). My weight (fat in Korea but below average in Canada). Visual acuity (I wear glasses but look better wearing them so I can bomb this section as long as I don't go blind). Blood pressure test (I eat fried chicken...I'm worried). Auditory function test (I'll easily make it into the selective hearing category). Color blindness (Do people actually not know? How do they test for this? Do they ask which celebrities' outfit matches the best? I'm fucked). A Chest X-Ray (I hope they can see through all my muscles and/or hair). The blood tests count my hemoglobins, check my blood type, work out the Hep B stuff and finally give a liver function test (no boozing this weekend). The final test checks out my pee with a urinalysis (I've never peed in a cup before, whooo hoo!) All that's missing is the PAP smear test? Why can't I have one? Sometimes life can be so cruel.

Lunch Time

A financial crunch has Shelly bringing her own lunch to work. This has left me to eat alone and forced me to make my own food choices (not my best skill). Usually we eat together and bounce between Korean fast food, fried pork cutlets and Pho soup. We have never eaten a sandwich together. I love sandwiches and could eat one for lunch everyday but being in Korea its hard to find a decent sandwich joint.

There is one near the school but the time I eat lunch is when every office worker in the area drinks a coffee. This fills up the small shop and leaves the single worker behind the counter overloaded with only coffee on her mind. I'd have to take a number and wait if I wanted to eat here. By lunch time my stomach is ready for its top off, I can't politely handle a line up.

This leads me to eat one lovely creation from the local bakery. This is how they make it. Take one fresh, slightly sweet baguette and cut it diagonally in the middle. On one half, fold in a flat scrambled egg and top this goodness with a slice of ham. This then provides the perfect platform for a long thick piece of processed crab, onions and shreads of iceberg lettuce. Slathered on and I mean really drench this combo with a mixture of runny mayo and mustard. Under all this sauce may or may not be a slice of cheese. I've never seen it but think I tasted a hint of cheese poking it's head up from the dressing in a desperate attempt not to drown. It may sound like an odd combo for a sandwich but I actually like it. I could eat it about once every two weeks but much rather eat with Shelly.

Tainted Love

It's a rite of passage that every young girl in Korea takes on. It involves dipping your finger nails into some local flower that's crushed and made into a coppery orange ink. These hands were nicely dipped one, the dye has stained the nails evenly and her skin is still its original colour.

Being around kids all year round some girls and the odd randon boy's single digit come in stained up to the second knuckle. This colouring doesn't come off easily, you could scrub all the skin off your finger and I reckon your muscles would be marinated in the stufff. And that's the main point.

As I understand it, girls dye their fingers and patiently wait for the their original skin colour to return. When it does the first man they see is the one they are destined to marry. There is also something about the first snow too, but haven't yet figured it out.

Road Trip To Geochang...2

After a couple of glasses of beer and wine and way too much Korean TV it was time to head off for some sightseeing. The first place Sung Ho drove us to was the provincial park I think is named Geumosan. The Lonely Planet pimps it as being "just outside the city of Gumi, a major industrial area, and the park is mostly a recreational area for the local workers." Not exactly a great sell. If this was the park we visited the authors never made it there because I loved the place.

This park is the first place I've seen in Korea where I'd actually like to camp. There were a few tents set up along the river and climbing up the hill. There wasn't the normal concrete slap set up in nice rows that I've seen people camp out on. The camp sites looked soft (maybe from the rain) private (three arms lengths from the next tent) and sheltered (definitely from the trees). We walked a little ways up the river to see the main attraction of the park. Turns out it's a giant bolder that has "famous people's names" (Sung Ho's words) chiseled into it. Tagging from the 17th century if you will. It was a cool sight and had it not been raining, the perfect spot to cook up some samgyeopsal (thick bacon like pork loaded with fat, YUM!!!!). We already have plans to return this fall.

After this we headed back into town where we had a good diner at a restaurant. Saejin got told off for odering a Seoul soju and the wrong brand of beer. Turns out each province has it's local favorites. We ate way to fast and then had to decide if we would stay in Geochang or head into Deagu. We chose the later because Sung Ho handn't been there since he did his undergraduate degree there. He was so happy and made us walk down almost every street in the downtown core so he could soak it all in.

Eventually we found a cool bar called The Beatles for our first few rounds and then on to a bar Saejin and Sung Ho had some wild night in from their past. After this we went to a couple of clubs that were ok and then off to find a hotel. It was a quiet but fun night.

Sunday's Tremolo # 4

The Common Loon has a call named the tremolo. This "insane laughter", voiced rapidly is an alarm that shows agitation or fear of predators or other loons in the neighbourhood. On Sundays, I have chosen to be opinionated and to share news, policies and or laws that agitate and scare me.

By spending the weekend out of town and being too busy tonight catching up on the final 3 episodes of Big Brother UK I'm unable to come up with a great (ok blog filler) tremolo. My tremelo this week will have to be a comment on this show and how to win. This show is pure TV heroin that hooked me from day one and 93 days later I'm happy that Pete came out on top even thought Glyn, the runner up, was my choice. These top two made it into the final two by simply being real, by not gossiping about others and by never lying.

This show captures every conversation each person had and lets viewers in on the day's happenings. Many of the evictees were sent packing because they would gossip and deny or just create drama others didn't care for. When cameras surround you I have no idea why anybody on this show would even think about spreading lies. You're going to be found out and even if you fool you're housemates the public who votes on your length of stay will eventually weed you out.

I don't understand why people lie. "Liar, liar pants on fire" is the best playground taunt ever created (K-I-S-S-I-N-G being a close second) because it keeps kids in line. As children, nobody likes being labeled a fibber or as a storyteller. But once you leave the cruelty of childhood for the brutality of the real world many people seem to forget this classic tune. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I never lie because you can just scroll down to read my Lies I've Told This Week entry. I enjoy good stories but hate when they're told to make you feel better about yourself.

Earlier this week I watched a documentary about Hurricane Katrina and how prisoners were left stranded in one of the jails. The town's sheriff chose to do little to help them out. This spring he had to run for re-election and like all politicians he made some commercials preaching about the great work he had done. According to the people interviewed, this man did little or none of what he claimed to have done. I understand politics is about creating an imagine but authoring a whole lot of lies is terrible. What's worse is that this man won even though others pointed out his inconsistencies.

Road Trip To Geochang...1

Saturday morning despite all the weather warnings CNN had been forecasting for the weekend, Saejin and I boarded an express bus for Geochang. This is Sung Ho's hometown and we had been promising to head there for weeks now. The three and a half hour long bus ride wasn't as bad as I had been thinking it would be. The low clouds created misty valleys to help pass the time. Saejin and I are both guilty of making up stories as to why we need to stay in Seoul. I hate the stale travel time while Saejin has etched somewhere in his brain a need for crowds and lights that only Seoul can offer. Besides he's also scared of any wildlife and finds the way country folk talk is funny.

Sung Ho had left Seoul on Friday night and was waiting for us when we hopped off the bus. He let us in on the plan and we were off to his parents house. Mrs. Sung Ho is one of the nicest ladies I've ever met and now after eating her home cooked meal I've moved into the spare bedroom. She prepared the best Samgae Tang (Chicken Soup) I've had in a long time. The chicken melted off the bones and all the onions, hot peppers and garlic were fresh from her garden. I would of been happy with just this but as soon as all the meat disappeared, 2/3 into my belly and 1/3 on my face, rice porridge appeared with a huge tray of Korean grapes, green apples and Asian pears. It was a great way to kill a rainy afternoon and the perfect start to the roadtrip.

(I have to post in segments to keep the pictures in order. I'm anal that way.)

Jogging in August

Jogging in August in Seoul is not pretty. The air hangs thick with humidity and the heat starts me sweating as I tie my shoes. I've tried different ways to avoid soaked shirts, shorts and socks but nothing seems to work. Morning, night or late afternoon jogs all end with me looking as if:

a) I've been fished out of lake Superior by campers who've been drinking warm beer since dawn.

b) I won the Super Bowl on my Xbox and drenched myself with my own sports drink in excitement.

c) A monsoon shower smashed the metal spokes of my umbrella to bits and I was miles from home.

d) All of the above.

This picture doesn't do my runs justice but I could honestly ring my clothes out after a 40 minute jog and fill up a pint glass. I'm wet, not proud.

Sunday's Tremolo #3

The Common Loon has a call named the tremolo. This "insane laughter", voiced rapidly is an alarm that shows agitation or fear of predators or other loons in the neighbourhood. On Sundays, I have chosen to be opinionated and to share news, policies and or laws that agitate and scare me.

I suffer from a reality TV addiction. This is enough for a tremolo on its own but I'm still in denial so I can't face the truth about it yet. What is troubling me this week was on the Surreal Life. As the gang of "E List Stars" waited around to find out this week's "task" a stretched Hummer pulled up to let out their softball game challengers. This stretched limo was applauded and cheered on with the whole casts approval.

This pissed me off. Why must most North Americans continue living with a bigger is better mentality? There is nothing glamorous about a giant truck beating a path down the road. An army vehicle burns gas and is able to drive anywhere. Stretching it out because you can burns even more gas but confines it to driving on well paved roads. Here more people will see it but they should not envy it. They should be angered because we have environmental obligations that far too many people ignore for the sake of comfort, convenience or eye candy.

I've also been watching a program from England called Property Ladder and in this bit of reality TV heaven, aspiring property developers buy houses and remodel them for profit. Most of the houses that the developers have been working on are by my North American eyes, quite small. I never realized how small and close some houses in Britain were to one another. Now, I am know mansions exist throughout the World but I'm sick of seeing the average size of house grow.

Family sizes are shrinking in the Western world and yet houses continue to grow. This stretches families apart and isolates children. They will do whatever they please. They will feel entitled to do anything they want. It creates a selfishness that only pleases oneself. The impact this will have on future generations is horrible. Bad parenting leads to bad parenting but no parenting leads to some fucked up families. Giant houses can take some of the blame.

Living large is not the answer. It's tacky and disfunctional.

Patio Life

Blogger is acting up with photos so this weekends fun has taken awhile. Friday night was a diet of fried chicken and beer but by drinking outside I was able to sweat the calories out. Saejin worked later than usual so it wasn't until well after 10 that I joined him and Chung Sun in Kangnam. They chose one of the chicken joints just round the corner from TGIF. We had been there a few months ago and the atmosphere is great for sweltering summer nights but when I rounded the corner the number of tables ouside was cut in half.

At first I thought it might of been because of the hour but later on in the night a gaggle of men dressed in suits and clipboards came round. The jolly playful ajuma who had just taken our order suddenly transformed into a cold scowling ajuma with her elbows up. Turns out that laws are now being enforced here and the tables could not extend beyond a certain point. Our table was on that border and definitely a point of contention. We quickly paid our bill and left. From there Saejin and I went to the Mini Stop and had a couple more beers before calling it a night.

Saturday night was Jenny's going away party. It was at Carney Station (an all you can eat and drink buffet). Enough said.

Expiration Date

On Wednesday my cell phone buzzed with news that next month my Visa expires. Today my mail box had a note hanging out of it again telling my legal stay is almost up. It doesn't feel like the end at this school. I have always resigned with my schools but this year this simply wasn't an option. LCI Kids Club Seocho is the most organized school I've taught in but with that comes about a million people above you. Teachers are definitely the bottom of the barrel. In all my years of experience this school cares the least about it's teachers. For a newbie in Korea it's a great gig, you'll always be paid on time and they will walk you through EVERYTHING. For someone who knows what parents want and how to keep the kids interested it's a long, long, long, did I mention long, year. These warnings telling me my job is about to expire have managed to lift my spirits.

It also helps that I've handed over my Passport, ID Card, Diploma and TESOL Certificate over to my new recruiter this week. I'm moving on to a public school gig where I'll have a lot more freedom and parental expectations don't exist. I think I'll like a lot better. It also helps that my school's biggest class is only 17 kids so it won't be chaos. I won't have to yell like I've heard some people have to in the public system. I'll miss my kids and the odd coworker but that's how it goes when you move on.

Weird Dreams

Last night I must of woken up a gazzilion times and each time I went back to slumber I couldn't escape the same characters in my dreams. I was hanging out with my two best friends from Bishop Pinkham Junior High but we were all much older. I have lost contact with the both of them since High School but from what I've heard, Cam Walker works as a rich guy and Dave Moss is a self employed carpenter. That's all I know and yet we were reunited at 2:00, 3:15, 4:09 and 7:45.

Like all dreams it was all over the place but the pinnacle came when Cam and I were drinking booze on his patio. As we sat enjoying what appeared to be wine and crackers, Dave was busy playing with the dolphin in the above ground pool. All of a sudden Dave picked up the dolphin by his snout and while perched up in Dave's arms the bottom heavy dolphin suddenly snapped in two. Dave was left holding the dolphin's nose as the rest of its body slammed around the swimming pool in pain. It was horrible but I forced myself to keep the dream going because you can when once you realize your dreaming.

Dave now in full welding gear chased the screaming dolphin trying his best to melt it's nose back on. Cam Walker was busy scolding Dave for his stupidity and I just stood back frozen taking it all in. I do believe dreams have a message but this one is leaving me blank. Any suggestions?

Seoul Oddities

When you cram 12 million people into a city, freaks will be around and that's why I love Seoul. Saejin called me the other night in total shock because a man was shaving on the platform at Kangnam Station. A morning shave is out of place but understandable. Five o'clock shadows aren't that common so it makes you wonder what this man was up to.

Was he running from the law and had to go clean shaven because the heat was onto him? Or did this choice come about purely by impulse when a smooth skinned stranger with an armful of hot babes passed by? Perhaps it was a bout of boredom on a long commute? It was a full moon out so was this man simply in the beginning stages of warewolfdom? Whatever it was it made Saejin laugh so he had to share it with me.

Misson Failed

I heard it's rattle while getting ready for my jog but I wasn't quite ready to sprint down the four flights of stairs to capture it on film. The Insect mobile with it's smoking pipes was back, fueling the air with bursts of choking clouds. I whipped my curtains open and hung half way out the window hoping I could catch it.

I was late and this is the best I could do. You'll have to trust me that the white mist climbing the building was indeed a killing agent. As I snapped the picture I could already smell it's foulness spreading. I wonder if the stuff really works?

I know...I know

I know I've said I wouldn't post about work but this was on snack time so I wasn't working. I was sat at my chair when Du-Bum attacked and forced me to trade shoes with him. Seeing as there is nothing more funny than big shoes on small bodies (lesson 4 at clown school) I had to take his picture.

Sunday's Tremolo #2

The Common Loon has a call named the tremolo. This "insane laughter", voiced rapidly is an alarm that shows agitation or fear of predators or other loons in the neighbourhood. On Sundays, I have chosen to be opinionated and to share news, policies and or laws that agitate and scare me.

I hate racism. It's just proves your ignorance and can't ever be justified. In pop culture it turns out to be a source of entertainment. Mel Gibson let booze pull his true feelings out the other day and he let loose a tirade against the "evil Jews". What a class act from such a "good Christian". I have heard the rumours about Mr. Gibson ever since his Passion movie but I try to see the good in people and I believed his people's spin.

This latest screw up will be hard to recover from. Fox News is trying their best to help this Christian brother but their observation is weak. Turns out that Mel has Israeli friends so his comments don't count. This is simple math. I cannot stand the "I have a gay/black/Asian/American/Alien friend which makes me cool with you" way of reasoning. Knowing one person or even being "tolerant" of a single person means nothing. How many people in a day are you kind to but behind their backs you bitch about?

There are good people and bad people and most people fall in the middle depending on the day. Sure Mel drank to much and had a bad day. Being famous makes his downfall news and the topic of the day but sadly there are people out there that share his feelings and they don't need margaritas to spew their hate. Racism can be stopped if one generation simply stands up to their ones who still believe hate. This isn't being brave, this is being smart. Mel's a dumbass.

Friday Follies

Friday night started early and ended late. Shelly and I went to Itaewon first and while waiting for Saejin and Jes to show up we had a few icy beers on the patio at Geckos . Any cold beer tastes good on a HOT day but these were amazing. Once we were all accounted for we headed over to Chakra for some yummy Indian food. No matter how hard I try I can never remember the names of the Indian food that I eat. But the Chicken Maslhfbhs I had was great and I totally recommend it. Good luck ordering.

After dinner we rounded up Francis and headed over to Soho for happy hour. Thats were the first two pictures are from as we plowed our way through a lot of cheap drinks. Two for one can't be beat and in this bar if you think the drink is too weak like a lot of the girls seem to think you can send them back for reinforcements. This bar has recently had a face lift and looks quite good but the music was a tad sleepy so we then headed over to Friend Bar for their happy hour which starts later.

After playing some pool and drinking way too many shots things get hazy but the music was much better because they played almost everything we asked for. Friday was good fun and a great way to get away from the soggy heat outside.

Fertile Ground

Korea has made me a criminal. Lock me up and throw away the key because I'm guilty of downloading a ton of TV torrents. I've seen differing statistics about this but Korea is among the top three in each report for highspeed internet availability. This makes it a great place to live. My computer is now my TV. If I could, I'd love to sledgehammer my TV into tiny pieces to throw at the annoying workers currently renovating the house next door. I wouldn't miss it and I would make sure not to miss those loud guys working far too early either.

The main staple of my downloads are The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Smart, Funny, Entertaining TV that can make you think, make you chuckle and make time fly by. As my dad has always loved pointing out, I have NO sense of humour but this stuff makes me laugh. Daily I try figure out which one is better but can't. I don't think I'll ever be able to work it out either. More research is definitely needed.

My Summer Mission

My jogs the last two evenings have been difficult. One problem was the sheer heat, while the second was running through sheets of white smoke.

Every year since I've been here it has been my mission to capture on camera the small billowing trucks that roam the streets. This smoke is pumped out of two long tubes that is supposed to kill the mosquitos and other annoying insects. In my experience I only see that it paints the plants white and kills the flowers that frame the roads.

Tomorrow I may skip my afternoon jog and plant my ass somewhere along my route and wait for this spitting truck to pass on by. When it does I'll try my best to capture it. Wish me luck.

Ear Hair

On Tuesdays I finish at 4:10 so the subway rides home are hassle free with lots of room to let me engage in my favorite sport of people watching. Namseong Station is only two stops from where I work so I never take a seat. Besides, standing plus a half empty car equals a great view of the people racing around under Southern Seoul.

Today's sights were a bit puzzling because of the men with their varying degrees of baldness. A pair of comb overs sat in the reserved sections to my right while three half domed men were sat to my left. The reason today's sights brought about shock was that I'm having the opposite problem.

Last night I was doing some personal grooming and found my first ear hair. I can accept nose hairs because they're pretty easy to see and pull. Plucking the invading hairs between my eyebrows is a must to avoid scaring little children. The body hairs filling out my chest are hidden but I can control this by trimming once a month. But hairs sprouting out of this final cavity confirms I've passed throught the awkward stage of my life. I'm an adult. Fuck.